then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
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I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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