I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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