also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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