why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
