Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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