My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
