Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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