Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
