i wish my penis had a tongue
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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