How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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