dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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