Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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