He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
