We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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