You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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