is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
