2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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