The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
