On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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