non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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