Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
