god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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