would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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