So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
