what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
