Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
