with your own penis?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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