He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
