it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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