Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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