I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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