Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
