im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
