Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
