I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
