WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
