I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
