then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
