Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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