Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
