When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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