This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
