i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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