dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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