this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize