his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
