Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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