yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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