Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
