I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
