your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
