you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
