good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
