I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
