but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
