he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
