Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
