Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have demons in me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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