I want to walk on stilts...naked
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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