I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
