I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
