Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
