she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
