I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
