Where did you get a picture of my penis
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
