did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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