I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
